A Timely Plan for Iraq -- or, Another Modest Proposal

Ah, yes. The holidays are upon us once again. I refuse to acknowledge such a thing until a few days right before Thanksgiving, not in this Land of the Annual Spending Orgy. And I find myself every year agreeing with strange bedfellows. This time around, I think maybe the folks who got all het up last year over the demise of Christmas are on to something. Not so much with their passionate battles over Nativity scenes on the courthouse lawn as with the concept that the reason for the season is to celebrate the birth of a prophet of good will to all. Watching Ozzy Osbourne a few years back lament on how he hated the whole season hit home, too. "When I was a kid, you got a dirty sock with a pencil, an apple, and a penny in it, and that was it." Maybe it's just the latent Andy Rooney in me coming out, but the first thing that runs across my mind when I hear Carol of the Bells before I've even had a chance to carve the Jack o'Lantern is "Bah $#@%&$*###$%@&%$! humbug." I mean, geez!

But I guarantee you I have much to be thankful for this week. I have a roof over my head, food to eat, a loving family and many wonderful friends. This November bought us at least the hope for some change in our country, and a pretty good indication it's not just me and my friends that realize we have a bunch our folks stranded in a sandbox on the other side of the planet. Somehow, however, it doesn't seem fair that our troops, the good people who VOLUNTEERED to put their lives on the line, should have to spend another holiday season so far from their families in such a mess for no good reason. Word around the campfire is the eventual departure from Iraq may be heralded by a massive offensive face-saving show; considering what we already know about the planning and management of George and Dick's Excellent Adventure, I think it's high time Shrub proved he's listening to the commanders on the ground by being there with them while he's decidering.

Maybe I'm just feeling a draft. However, he can leave the fake turkey at home this time. I'm not talking about a photo op. The photo op I've always wanted to see was him on that mountain bike negotiating the Baghdad Airport road IEDs instead of mesquite and armadillo turds in Crawford. But no, I'm talking about partaking personally in some old fashioned ground ops. We know he's got the military training, and Lord knows he's in primo physical shape. Hell, he can take Cheney along for back-up. I hear Unca Dick's pretty handy with a scattergun. Just watch out for that friendly fire.

There's plenty of folks, from the White House neocons that pushed us into the wrong war to the talking heads and their little dweeb online enablers that marketed it to Mom and Pop America, who should be eager to put their ass where their mouth is and jine up. Why, smart as he is, O'Reilly can have his own platoon from the 101st Fighting Keyboardists to flush out those pesky insurgents. Ann Coulter can ship out too. She should be on permanent latrine duty, as experienced as she is shoveling shit. Maybe being a lone female soldier stationed in a foreign country might help her understand the word "terror". Shoot, let Michele Malkin go with her on the buddy system. Magic in the sand, my friends.

I would think these patriots would relish the chance to shore up the troops' morale through the holiday season. I'm pretty sure a three-month deployment should do it. And we could have all troops back stateside by spring.

Hey! Bush finally made it to 'Nam; anything's possible. A girl can dream, can't she?