The American Renaissance

Baja Canada del Sur: Comedy and Comment in the Age of Occupation

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Location: Little Rock, Arkansas

found done in needlepoint on Mel's Front Porch: I Pledge Alligence to the Constitution of the United States of America. And to the Republic for which it guarantees, One Nation, Undeniable, with Liberty, Truth, and Justice for All.

Monday, October 30, 2006

A drum roll, please, Anton?

In the spirit expressed by the participants, I have made an Executive Decision; be it known from this day forth that these are your Honorable Mentions from the Nipsey Russell Memorial Front Porch Limerick Exposition:

Best Lyrical Anger:
SPADOMAN, for Bitchslap

Best Traditional Styling:
DADA, for Newglubber

Best Pointed Intellect
D.K., for Camus

Judge's Honorary Award
All entries.

Take a bow, folks.

And now, back by Popular Demand, a reprise of some of my own verses:

There once was a Rep from the Sunshine State
Who was an Enemy of the criminals we all hate
Protecting the young
Unless they were hung
For his comeuppance we wait breath abate!

Bush made promises he's plumb forgotten
The original problem's still bin Laden
But we really wanna
Remember Osama
Still un-run, un-smoked, and un-gotten

Many churches have a big steeple
A voting booth should show how we pull
With elections coming yet
None of us should forget
That George Bush don't like black people

For Honesty, it's sure tough now being battlers
But I am proud to be one of the tattlers
And like Ms. Ivins sez
Rummy, Dick, and the Prez
Are meaner'n a skilletfull of rattlers

Happy Halloween, folks. This has been fun. Booo-yah!


Anonymous D.K. Raed said...

Mel, YOU have the makings of a natural diplomat and true ambassador of peace. Clap, clap, clap!!! (standing ovation) BRAVO! (cheering from the balcony) ...

Executive Decisions aside, these limericks were the most delightful challenge. I just love your line "still un-run, un-smoked and un-gotten" !

Good H'weening to you, too. Maybe I'm seeing things, but the Frankenstein Head with an axe stuck in it laying on our neighbor's front porch bears an uncanny resemblance to rumsfeld. In another yard, I spied a big black spider with a human face I SWEAR was lynne cheney. Hmmm, perhaps I need to more closely examine the row of empty-eyed jack o'lanterns down the street where I'm almost sure to see GWB & Rove. EEEK! ~~ D.K.

9:09 PM  
Blogger meldonna said...


Writing a limerick is an acquired skill; but I suspect it's somewhat like riding a bike -- once you get it, you got it! Who knows, might come in handy at a boring cocktail party.

I must say, on behalf of Frankenstein, spiders, and pumpkins everywhere, I feel they are being inadvertantly insulted, as they obviously have far more brain-power than anybody in DC. Not to mention better-looking. I will assume any possible defamation of gourds, re-animated corpses, or arachnids is unintended, as the examples you mentioned were probably not viewed at their most flattering...

My favorite Halloween decoration these days is the violently ill jack o'lantern that utilizes the gook you scrape out of the inside as the upchuck. Probably originally inspired by GWB sprawled over a crossdresser in N'awlins when he should have been at drill in 'Bama. Eeek, she says. And then some.

(cue Addams Family theme here)

12:45 AM  
Blogger spadoman said...

Thank you so much, Mel, for the contest. d.k. is absolutely correct, your diplomatic skills are second to none. As for your limerick prowess, you inspire us all. May we only try to reach your level of limerocity,(that's a word I made up that means a writer of limericks with the aforementiond hyphenated words mentioned in d.k.'s comment)I want to be a limerocisist when I grow up:-)

2:59 AM  
Blogger dada said...

Mel: Happy Halloween! Thanks for reposting some of your limmericks, and thanks for inviting us to join in this fun. What an apropos time to wrap this up--Halloween! (And, yes Raed, isn't she diplomatic?! ~grin)

And to make it even more exciting, we have only wait seven more days to see which we get--tricks or treats! (Fearful always, I'm afraid next Tuesday may tap a whole new wellspring of limmerick creativities--if only in desperate attempt to salvage our sanities!)

4:31 AM  
Blogger azgoddess said...

happy all hollows eve!!! nice lyrics

9:54 AM  
Blogger meldonna said...

So guys, does this make me a Limerocrat? hee hee

Dada, we've had thirty-some-odd years of tricks; I think we're due some treats. I'd settle for a fair election. Hey, a girl can dream, can't she?

5:49 PM  
Anonymous D.K. Raed said...

hey, at least you didn't call yourself a Limmer, a word I'm reading in a scottish novel which seems to mean hooker. ~~ D.K.

9:28 PM  
Blogger meldonna said...

I couldn't ever be a hooker; however, I was reading up a little tonight on Wikipedia about the Rocky Horror Picture Show (a little light fare for Halloween) and actually came across a fact I didn't know...

We used to call anyone who'd never seen the movie a virgin, and I knew if you were a regular at the midnight show you were a slut; but apparently if you've only seen it at home on video, you are a "masturbator".

I howled!

And so you can't call me a Great Scott Limmer; at this point I think I'm best described as an old slut, just waiting for a local show; I would love to do the Time Warp again. I think the whole country needs to take a jump to the left.

Don't Dream It, Be It!

10:54 PM  
Anonymous D.K. Raed said...

I'm ready for the time warp, I think we all are overdue! I was never a regular at those midnight shows, but had seen it & was familiar with the midnight audience participation, so I guess that puts me somewhere between slut & master ... I know, I'll make the Meat Loaf! I'd totally forgot HE was even in RHPS until I re-saw it on TV last year. Vroom! ~~ D.K.

11:22 PM  
Blogger meldonna said...

Yeah, and being a large person who rode a bike for many years, guess who I got to be when we dressed up for the show!

Me and the ex found ouselves one October shooting pool with another lesbian couple who'd never seen the movie; so we invited them back to the apartment and treated two virgins not only to a private viewing, but complete with the requisite audience participation -- throwing rice at the wedding, newspaper to cover their heads while we did the water pistols, tossing toast and cards at the appropriate moments, and of course flying toilet paper. It was a bitch to clean up, and I'm sure there's still some rice somewhere in that little San Antonio apartment still, but God did we have fun!

When I was a kid in Little Rock, the best audience line was responding to Frank saying "it's no crime giving yourelf over to pleasure" with "it is in Arkansas!" My favorite stunt is to save your newspaper until Frank dives through the fog into the pool after the Floor Show, then run up to the screen and fan the smog away. Hilarious at a movie showing, and still effective on the small screen...

Misspent youth or healthy rite of passage, I don't know. But harmless fun certainly. And get this...though I never thought it would happen, Arkansas eventually did away with their antiquated 'sodomy' laws in the '90s, proving maybe we just had to wait until some of those kids at Rocky in the '70s made their way into the Ledge. And more proof the reddest of states aren't as red as the Repugs suggest.

We live in a country where a transsexual mad doctor in fishnet is a beloved icon of fortysomethings. I like it.

12:44 AM  
Anonymous D.K. Raed said...

wow, mel, that sounds like a fun night. I had no idea so much was required to do it right. oh god, that Arkansas audience response! I saw it first-run in a theatre in Palm Springs & was mesmerized from the moment Tim Curry first appeared on the screen. For some reason, maybe the music?, I remember thinking it was like the anti-christ version of Jesus Christ Superstar. But all harmless fun, why I don't even remember any real nudity!

And I think fishnets are the victim of evil minds. I wore them in high school the 60's, they have a very slimming & leg-lengthening effect. I was obliviously unaware of any lasivious thoughts engendered. But they might account for some of many times I was called in to the adm office for inappropriate dress.

Meat Loaf -- I think he's underated as an actor. I just loved him in Fight Club, so sweet. ~~~ D.K.

2:36 PM  
Blogger meldonna said...

I've really never thought there was anything wrong with fishnet myself -- but you must admit you put 'em on a six foot tall man eyebrows will still be raised. lol

I know what you mean about Curry; he owned that role and WORKED it, grrl!

Oh, boy. There goes George (I got NBC Nightly News on). He's making up words again -- this time it's "dimunition". This to Rush, in almost the same breath he took Kerry to task for not being careful enough about what he says.

After attending the best schools money can buy, I guess George has proved the point of Kerry's lame joke after all.

6:38 PM  
Blogger Donnie McDaniel said...


Since Blogger was freaking out at the time, I never got to add to the fun during the few moments I had after I got off work. SO I will just spout off something now, just because I like it. Enjoy.

Dedicated to our dear Decider!

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sugar is sweet
And you would be too

But your violets are warped
Your roses are dead
Your sugar bowl's empty
And so is your head.

The Katrinacrat.

9:06 AM  
Blogger meldonna said...

Hey! Good to see you, Donnie. And you're right, Blogger's been a bitch to work with as of late.

12:57 PM  

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