The Nipsey Russell Memorial Front Porch Limerick Contest!
With the Dog Days of Summer upon us, it's kind of hard not to get a touch of the blues. So I want all you thinkers, winkers, and general ne'r-do-wells to tap into your sense of humor. Feel free to use as much profanity, innuendo, and low comedy as suits your needs. We are talking LIMERICKS here!
Winner will be determined by the obvious -- make us all laugh out loud.
Below are examples -- I apologize for the lameness thereof.
There is a ranch out in Texas
Whose owner surely does vex us
Surly and plain old hating
Even when he's out vacating
That he ain't on trial yet just wrecks us
Many churches have a big steeple
A voting booth should show how we pull
With elections coming yet
None of us should forget
That George Bush don't like black people
As I'm running the contest, my limericks are of course inelligible...but I'm planning on coming up with a few more, just for shits and grins. Have fun!
posted by meldonna | 8:41 PM
13 Comments:
Ok, What's the prize? If it's some home made tamales or some other southwestern delectible that I know you make very well, then here goes:
There once was a man from Nantucket
He drank too much beer from a bucket
If he’d shy away
and stop driving that day
We could pack up George with his trumpet
Or this one:
The shock and awe made him brag
The people still fight in Bagdhad
He’s ruined our great land
With his head in the sand
Let them carry him out in a bag
That's just for starters. I'll work on this a little. I might even make something up and not use the truth next time.
mel: Thanks for diverting our attentions towards something a little more pleasant.
In your first example, do you happen to know who that guy is? I'd like to buy him a beer!
I have one limerick--it's not mine, hence, it's not an entry herein--that's been emblazoned on my brain since reading John Steinbeck's "East of Eden" thirty years ago. It goes:
"There was a young man from Jolon
got seeeck of leeving alone
He 'juan' to King City
to got something pretty
puta chingada cabron!"
I always kinda liked that even if I don't know what it means and can't spell it or forget it. It's seared in the grey matter.
But let me go think on this. Be back later.
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Sorry about the deletion. If only I'd edit these before uploading 'em. (sigh)
Pappy Bush spent a night in Newglubber
with a wild tart named barbara, a clubber
today it's easy to see
how better off we'd all be
if that night he'd just worn him a rubber!
Early results give Dada an edge for that last!
As for the limerick from E. of Eden...if my rusty spanish serves, you might not want to choose to rattle off that last line in mixed company. Puta is a slut, cabron is goat (or a fairly offensive term similar to MF) and chingada is a form of the f-word itself. So put it all together? The fucker fucked a slut. Ouch!
Spadoman, I'm thinking a virtual blue ribbon and bragging rights for the winner. Mostly because I can't figure out how to post a fresh tortilla...
Good work, guys!
And just for fun:
Have you ever tried talking to a right-wing twink?
Sometimes it's so hard to know what to think!
You make a valid point
They get bent out of joint
And grab another pitcher of Kool Aid to drink.
Here's a couple from D.K., forwarded by e4e ~~ I got to figure out how to let her blog here annoymous...
Election 2000: 'twas a sunny day.
We went to the polls in the usual way.
But then The Supremes
Cancelled our dreams,
Saying next time don't vote, just pray!
*******************************************
So, bid farwell to the U S of A,
As democracy, Bush screws every day.
"I AM THE YOON-I-TARE-IE",
He screams (ain't it scary),
"Let the corpses rot where they lay!"
*******************************************
Excellent! One pithy, the other quite dark humor.
I can see we are going to need catagories...
Thanks, D.K..
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Okay, another thought for the day:
A cowboy cardshark from Crawford
Told Saddam of Iraq "Let's draw for't!"
When they went for their guns
Saddam found he had none
Now the kid's in contempt of a Swiss law court
(ugh, no many how many times I refine this, it still doesn't quite *click*....sorry)
I know what you mean! It's not as easy to write a limerick as it sounds.
Let me nose around online; maybe I can find some examples for inspiration.
mel: Did I thank you for translating John Steinbeck's limmerick more precisely for me? No? I didn't think so. "Thank you!"
Okay, whilst out walking between rainstorms this morning, there came the following:
There was a young girl name of 'Gert'
Who came back from Iraq mort-ly hurt
As he sank by her side
George Bush rued, then he cried
"Shoulda done what I did - DESERT!"
Ahem, am I in the right place? OK, here goes:
****************
I'm surfing Baja Canada now, oh dear!
When what to my wondering eyes should appear:
Mel's taking anonymouses !
(and maybe hippopotamuses)
Either way, I can sashay my rear!
****************
alright, not a pretty picture, i admit. and were there any rules against borrowing (line #2 from Night Before Xmas, line #4 from Sesame Street)???
aahahaha, dada HAS to get best new word award: "Newglubber" !!!
D.K.
d.k. Oh my...such imagery. Anyway, welcome to Baja Canada! That Mel's alright, huh?
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