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Baja Canada del Sur: Comedy and Comment in the Age of Occupation

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found done in needlepoint on Mel's Front Porch: I Pledge Alligence to the Constitution of the United States of America. And to the Republic for which it guarantees, One Nation, Undeniable, with Liberty, Truth, and Justice for All.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Thanks, Dave

I just watched David Letterman interview Bill O'Reilly, and for all of Dave's bullshit over the years, I'm proud to report he gave Bill every bit as much respect as he deserves. Similar to the one appearance Rush made on Letterman a few years back, Bill doesn't do so good talking the talk with a live audience, instead of studio appearances on morning shows, under control like his own program. Dave's audience cheered him on in saying to O'Reilly what a lot of us would like to, just as they did with Rush. The following is a transcript:

O'Reilly: "I think that the Iraq thing has been full of unintended consequences and it's a vital thing for the country and it's brutal, it's absolutely brutal. We should all take it very seriously. This simplistic stuff about hating Bush or he lied and all this stuff, does the country no good at all. We've got to win this thing. You have to win it. And even though it's a screw-up, giant, massive, all right, right now, for everybody's protection, it's best for the world to have a democracy in that country functioning and friendly to the West, is it not?"

David Letterman: "Yes, absolutely."

O'Reilly: "Okay, so let's stop with the lying and the this and the that and the undermining and let's get him. That is putting us all in danger. So our philosophy is we call it as we see it. Sometimes you agree, sometimes you don't. Robust debate is good. But we believe that the United States, particularly the military, are doing a noble thing, a noble thing. The soldiers and Marines are noble. They're not terrorists. And when people call them that, like Cindy Sheehan called the insurgents 'freedom fighters,' we don't like that. It is a vitally important time in American history. And we should all take it very seriously. Be very careful with what we say."

Letterman: "Well, and you should be very careful with what you say also." [audience applause]

O'Reilly: "Give me an example."

Letterman: "How can you possibly take exception with the motivation and the position of someone like Cindy Sheehan?"

O'Reilly: "Because I think she's run by far-left elements in this country. I feel bad for the woman."

Letterman: "Have you lost family members in armed conflict?"

O'Reilly: "No, I have not."

Letterman: "Well, then you can hardly speak for her, can you?" [applause]

O'Reilly: "I'm not speaking for her. Let me ask you this question."

Letterman, referring back to O'Reilly's examples of a war on Christmas: "Let's go back to your little red and green stories."

O'Reilly: "This is important, this is important. Cindy Sheehan lost a son, a professional soldier in Iraq, correct? She has a right to grieve any way she wants, she has a right to say whatever she wants. When she says to the public that the insurgents and terrorists are 'freedom fighters,' how do you think, David Letterman, that makes people who lost loved ones, by these people blowing the Hell out of them, how do you think they feel, what about their feelings, sir?"

Letterman: "What about, why are we there in the first place? [applause] The President himself, less than a month ago said we are there because of a mistake made in intelligence. Well, whose intelligence? It was just somebody just get off a bus and handed it to him?"

Bill O'Reilly: "No."

Letterman: "No, it was the intelligence gathered by his administration."

O'Reilly: "By the CIA."

Letterman: "Yeah, so why are we there in the first place? I agree to you, with you that we have to support the troops. They are there, they are the best and the brightest of this country. [audience applause] There's no doubt about that. And I also agree that now we're in it it's going to take a long, long time. People who expect it's going to be solved and wrapped up in a couple of years, unrealistic, it's not going to happen. However, however, that does not eliminate the legitimate speculation and concern and questioning of 'Why the Hell are we there to begin with?'"

O'Reilly: "If you want to question that, and then revamp an intelligence agency that's obviously flawed, the CIA, okay. But remember, MI-6 in Britain said the same thing. Putin's people in Russia said the same thing, and so did Mubarak's intelligence agency in Egypt."

Letterman: "Well then that makes it all right?"

O'Reilly: "No it doesn't make it right."

Letterman: "That intelligence agencies across the board makes it alright that we're there?"

O'Reilly: "It doesn't make it right."

Letterman: "See, I'm very concerned about people like yourself who don't have nothing but endless sympathy for a woman like Cindy Sheehan. Honest to Christ." [audience applause]

O'Reilly: "No, I'm sorry."

Letterman: "Honest to Christ."

O'Reilly: "No way. [waits for applause to die down] No way you're going to get me, no way that a terrorist who blows up women and children."

Letterman: "Do you have children?"

O'Reilly: "Yes I do. I have a son the same age as yours. No way a terrorist who blows up women and children is going to be called a 'freedom fighter' on my program." [mild audience applause]

Letterman: "I'm not smart enough to debate you point to point on this, but I have the feeling, I have the feeling about 60 percent of what you say is crap. [audience laughter] But I don't know that for a fact. [more audience applause]

Paul Shafer: "60 percent."

Letterman: "60 percent. I'm just spit-balling here."

O'Reilly: "Listen, I respect your opinion. You should respect mine."

Letterman: "Well, ah, I, okay. But I think you're-"

O'Reilly: "Our analysis is based on the best evidence we can get."

Letterman: "Yeah, but I think there's something, this fair and balanced. I'm not sure that it's, I don't think that you represent an objective viewpoint."

O'Reilly: "Well, you're going to have to give me an example if you're going to make those claims."

Letterman: "Well I don't watch your show so that would be impossible."

O'Reilly: "Then why would you come to that conclusion if you don't watch the program?"

Letterman: "Because of things that I've read, things that I know."

O'Reilly: "Oh come on, you're going to take things that you've read. You know what say about you? Come on. Watch it for a couple, look, watch it for a half hour. You'll get addicted. You'll be a Factor fan, we'll send you a hat."

Letterman: "You'll send me a hat. Well, send Cindy Sheehan a hat."

O'Reilly: "I'll be happy to."

Go, Dave. Somewhere Johnny is snickering his butt off.

****update**** thanks to jeff for helping me clean up this transcript and make it decent to publish.

3 Comments:

Blogger meldonna said...

Hey! anybody out there can help me clean up the transcript? I'm a newbie on this here blog thing...

Thanks if ya can --

1:33 AM  
Blogger Jeff said...

I copied, pasted, replaced all the apostrophes etc. in Notepad.

O'Reilly: "I think that the Iraq thing has been full of unintended consequences and it's a vital thing for the country and it's brutal, it's absolutely brutal. We should all take it very seriously. This simplistic stuff about hating Bush or he lied and all this stuff, does the country no good at all. We've got to win this thing. You have to win it. And even though it's a screw-up, giant, massive, all right, right now, for everybody's protection, it's best for the world to have a democracy in that country functioning and friendly to the West, is it not?"

David Letterman: "Yes, absolutely."

O'Reilly: "Okay, so let's stop with the lying and the this and the that and the undermining and let's get him. That is putting us all in danger. So our philosophy is we call it as we see it. Sometimes you agree, sometimes you don't. Robust debate is good. But we believe that the United States, particularly the military, are doing a noble thing, a noble thing. The soldiers and Marines are noble. They're not terrorists. And when people call them that, like Cindy Sheehan called the insurgents 'freedom fighters,' we don't like that. It is a vitally important time in American history. And we should all take it very seriously. Be very careful with what we say."

Letterman: "Well, and you should be very careful with what you say also." [audience applause]

O'Reilly: "Give me an example."

Letterman: "How can you possibly take exception with the motivation and the position of someone like Cindy Sheehan?"

O'Reilly: "Because I think she's run by far-left elements in this country. I feel bad for the woman."

Letterman: "Have you lost family members in armed conflict?"

O'Reilly: "No, I have not."

Letterman: "Well, then you can hardly speak for her, can you?" [applause]

O'Reilly: "I'm not speaking for her. Let me ask you this question."

Letterman, referring back to O'Reilly's examples of a war on Christmas: "Let's go back to your little red and green stories."

O'Reilly: "This is important, this is important. Cindy Sheehan lost a son, a professional soldier in Iraq, correct? She has a right to grieve any way she wants, she has a right to say whatever she wants. When she says to the public that the insurgents and terrorists are 'freedom fighters,' how do you think, David Letterman, that makes people who lost loved ones, by these people blowing the Hell whatof them, how do you think they feel, waht about their feelings, sir?"

Letterman: "What about, why are we there in the first place? [applause] The President himself, less than a month ago said we are there because of a mistake made in intelligence. Well, whose intelligence? It was just somebody just get off a bus and handed it to him?"

Bill O'Reilly: "No."

Letterman: "No, it was the intelligence gathered by his administration."

O'Reilly: "By the CIA."

Letterman: "Yeah, so why are we there in the first place? I agree to you, with you that we have to support the troops. They are there, they are the best and the brightest of this country. [audience applause] There's no doubt about that. And I also agree that now we're in it it's going to take a long, long time. People who expect it's going to be solved and wrapped up in a couple of years, unrealistic, it's not going to happen. However, however, that does not eliminate the legitimate speculation and concern and questioning of 'Why the Hell are we there to begin with?'"

O'Reilly: "If you want to question that, and then revamp an intelligence agency that's obviously
flawed, the CIA, okay. But remember, MI-6 in Britain said the same thing. Putin's people in Russia said the same thing, and so did Mubarak's intelligence agency in Egypt."

Letterman: "Well then that makes it all right?"

O'Reilly: "No it doesn't make it right."

Letterman: "That intelligence agencies across the board makes it alright that we're there?"

O'Reilly: "It doesn't make it right."

Letterman: "See, I'm very concerned about people like yourself who don't have nothing but endless
sympathy for a woman like Cindy Sheehan. Honest to Christ." [audience applause]

O'Reilly: "No, I'm sorry."

Letterman: "Honest to Christ."

O'Reilly: "No way. [waits for applause to die down] No way you're going to get me, no way that a terrorist who blows up women and children."

Letterman: "Do you have children?"

O'Reilly: "Yes I do. I have a son the same age as yours. No way a terrorist who blows up women and children is going to be called a 'freedom fighter' on my program." [mild audience applause]

Letterman: "I'm not smart enough to debate you point to point on this, but I have the feeling, I have the feeling about 60 percent of what you say is crap. [audience laughter] But I don't know that for a fact. [more audience applause]

Paul Shafer: "60 percent."

Letterman: "60 percent. I'm just spit-balling here."

O'Reilly: "Listen, I respect your opinion. You should respect mine."

Letterman: "Well, ah, I, okay. But I think you're-"

O'Reilly: "Our analysis is based on the best evidence we can get."

Letterman: "Yeah, but I think there's something, this fair and balanced. I'm not sure that it's, I
don't think that you represent an objective viewpoint."

O'Reilly: "Well, you're going to have to give me an example if you're going to make those claims."

Letterman: "Well I don't watch your show so that would be impossible."

O'Reilly: "Then why would you come to that conclusion if you don't watch the program?"

Letterman: "Because of things that I've read, things that I know."

O'Reilly: "Oh come on, you're going to take things that you've read. You know what say about you? Come on. Watch it for a couple, look, watch it for a half hour. You'll get addicted. You'll be a Factor fan, we'll send you a hat."

Letterman: "You'll send me a hat. Well, send Cindy Sheehan a hat."

O'Reilly: "I'll be happy to."

11:28 AM  
Blogger Jeff said...

I find it's usually best to cut&paste into Notepad, correct it as much as possible, then copy THAT and paste into Blogger.

11:29 AM  

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