The American Renaissance

Baja Canada del Sur: Comedy and Comment in the Age of Occupation

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Location: Little Rock, Arkansas

found done in needlepoint on Mel's Front Porch: I Pledge Alligence to the Constitution of the United States of America. And to the Republic for which it guarantees, One Nation, Undeniable, with Liberty, Truth, and Justice for All.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

A Whiter Shade of Pale

The Bush-Blair press conference this morning was quite entertaining; what I got to see of it, anyway. All the broadcast networks cut away from the Q & A session about three questions in, and not having cable, I must admit I was highly pissed. Cut off cold, and when I was having such a good time. It was so refreshing to see Shrub have to answer some questions from the British press for a change, instead of the softballs he's accustomed to having lobbed gently in his direction by our media. I do enjoy someone lighting that short fuse of his in public.

And what was up with Tony? I've never seen him stutter and stammer so much! Does spending a couple of hours with Bush actually rob a person of their normal abilities to speak aloud? Not to mention the unnatural pallor on the both of them. I've seen eighty-year-old drunks who've pulled an all-nighter look less shaky and much fresher than either of these clowns did this morning; what happened to make-up?

As for the scripted lines, it's obvious that the only thing about Bush's plans that have changed is his terminology. He still has absolutely no intention of pulling any troops out any time soon, and isn't even very careful to cover up the fact he's dragging his feet. Predictably, Tony the Poodle just echoes his master and piddles on the floor.

It would be interesting to find out what those dead families Bush has talked to told him.

Of course, Shrub isn't the only member of his family to sound or look a little wack in public this week. Pappy and Jebbie held a little blubber-fest in front of Florida lawmakers on Monday. Somehow H.W. has gotten it into his head that his little boys have been unfairly picked upon for years now. I'm sure there's a dad somewhere in Iraq who's lost not only a child or two in Gulf War I, but some grandkids, too, in the sequel. But I'm supposed to commiserate with the old man and how hard his boys have been done. Maybe Pappy should just consider any rough times and words his kids have endured in their extremely blessed political lives collateral damage, take his Paxil, and get a freaking grip.

Lord, and I was originally planning to tear that hypocrite Mary Cheney a new one in this post. Many others have already held forth on this the subject, so I'll keep it brief. Considering that I heard she's due in April, I hope they bought a new baster before Lynne popped that Butterball in the oven this year.


Blogger pissed off patricia said...

I have cable so I suffered through the whole thing. The Q&A from the British press was worth the price of admission. They don't kiss bush's ass and they aren't afraid to go after him either. It was great.

Bush has looked really different the last couple of times he was on tv. Maybe too much makeup or something. Each time he and Tony are together I keep hoping that Tony will come to a point where he's just had enough and call bush every name in the book.

To me it looks like Tony is the grown up and bush is the spoiled stupid kid.

1:07 PM  
Anonymous D.K. Raed said...

urgh, now I can't get that blasted baster off my mind! I've heard no details of the deed & am not really interested, but realize if it was Chelsea, we'd be listening to sordid minutia 24/7.

That press conference was such a ripping good time! We had to pause it every few seconds to savor our amazement. Bush has constructed a gangplank to hell & Blair is jigging his way merrily down the runway, playing pied piper for the meese, er, mice. Couldn't believe C-Span cut it short.

Go to & you can see the whole thing (52-minutes) under video/audio "President Bush and Prime Minister Blair Joint News Conference 12-07-06"

Yeah, those dead families brought to mind old Nixon talking to the WH oil paintings of dead presidents. Late at night, stoned out of his slobbering mind, communing with the departed souls.

Good post! ~~ D.K.

1:22 PM  
Blogger meldonna said...


The adult is Chirac, who told both of these buffoons not just no but HELL no. The French weren't chicken, they were WISE. As was Germany.

Blair might sound a little more polished than MonkeyBoy, but Iraq is Bush's show all the way; the Downing Street Memo made that pretty plain to me. Not to mention the US has way more boots on the ground than the UK. I hear what you're saying, but personally, I think a two-year-old looks grown up next to Bush.

The strain is starting to show on both of them ~~ two lame ducks wondering in the back of their little minds whether or not they will make it to the end of their respective terms.


Sorry 'bout the visual, Deke. Trust me, I was tempted to rare back and wax poetically rank on Ms. Mary, but it is probably best I held it to a minimum. It's just way too easy, anyway.

At least that venal swine Nixon managed to spare us any literal public boo-hooing. Speaking of which, anybody interested in checking out the Bush Blubberfest in Florida can go to

Be sure and click through the pics. The twins look like they could both use a bump.

1:39 PM  
Anonymous D.K. Raed said...

OK, at least that pic of the twins took my mind off the turkey baster! I HATE that upper-class-bored, pissed-off-that-YOUALL-are-even-alive look they're sporting. Yeah, that blubberfest ... and then he says, Barb will be mad at me ... it seems the bush family is just doing something everyday to make our holidays brighter. I'm looking forward to each of 16-days left til xmas if these are the kind of presents they'll be bringing us. oh little town of wash-ing-ton, DC where all do lie ... deck the frigginhalls ~~ D.K.

2:39 PM  
Blogger spadoman said...

Mel.... Had to send this one to you:

Endless Love Movie

It was made some time ago, but so apropriate now when these two "birds" of a feather stand together.


Hope the moving prep is going good. Keep in touch.

3:11 AM  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

You know, we all mess up our words sometimes but most of us catch our error and correct it. Why? Because we are thinking as we speak. Bush never seems to catch his. He says crazy assed stuff and just keeps going. Why? Because I don't believe he thinks or maybe he can't think. Once he goes off his written speech, that's when the fun begins.

I agree 100%, France was smart as hell not to get into this mess. Maybe they heard what we heard when the inspectors gave their reports. They said they had found nothing and that was good enough for me. Too bad all of the Congress wasn't listening too.

Have a great weekend!

6:07 AM  
Blogger meldonna said...

Glad to see you come back by, me an olive, will ya?

Just as long as it's had the Ester Wms. gin experience...

Man, but wouldn't a Bloody be tasty right now? The breakfast of champions. Bear with me...been packing boxes all night. I either need a cocktail, a nap, or a Bobcat front-end loader. Movin's a byotch.

6:24 AM  
Blogger azgoddess said...

too funny...i've not watched political tv since like forever - so i appreciate your commentaries...

9:47 AM  
Anonymous D.K. Raed said...

Spado, love the Endless Love, so finely sung, so delicately portraying prince & poodle.

POP, I've often wondered that myself (why bush doesn't catch his errors & correct himself as he speaks). I suspect it's because he can't hold a thought in his head for that long. Look what happens when he gets asked a 2-part question. A 3-parter almost immobilizes him.

Mel, you GOTTA 'splain the Esther Williams remark! I know she was a swimmer, but ...

ps, I answered your lime jello question at Enigma's post about green condoms. ~~ D.K.

11:47 AM  
Blogger Pursey Tuttweiler said...

"I talk to the dead families." What a twat.

Have I told you the recipe for the best Bloody Mary?

Titos Handmade Vodka (made in Austin)
Soak this vodka in a huge jug with onions, jalapenos, green, yellow and red bell peppers)
Use your favorite mix
Serve with olives and celery and a peppercini pepper.

Salad, alcohol and antioxidants all in one!

2:30 PM  
Blogger Lola Heatherton said...

I'm so relieved to know that he's The Understander. And that he talks to dead families. Isn't that really comforting?

I've also noticed Mr. 43 has developed flop sweat, which is a term we professional entertainers use for really bad sweats when nervous, like when we forget our lines, or are prompted to go off script. Some of my dearest friends are trained in the art of improvisation, but Mr. 43 is neither trained, nor one of my friends.

3:13 PM  
Blogger betmo said...

bushling got his ass handed to him- and he didn't take too kindly. i didn't actually see it- but reading it in the news- they actually captured the sarcasm in print. 'leader of the free world had a temper tantrum at having to actually answer questions' should have been the headline. :)

5:27 PM  
Blogger enigma4ever said...

The comments here are as good as the post....great post captured the essence of the Meltdown so nicely..the Prince and the Poodle... I wish the Brit journalists were here everytime- usually it is just David Gregory taking on Bush and Snow by himself....and yeah the Dead Family line was priceless...just when you think Bush can't embarrass himself or us more...he does...

( okay Mel- you are going to have to post something really stunning soon I have that turkey baster stuck in my head...)

9:04 PM  
Anonymous D.K. Raed said...

(mel & mel's friends, you'll have to stop by Pursey's for your moving party send off. The Bloody Mary's are ready & waiting) ~~ D.K.

11:09 PM  
Blogger meldonna said...

Yikes! Everybody's been by! Sorry to be out of touch; been fighting a little head-cold over the weekend. Annoying, but not life threatening.

Pursey, that bloody sounds wonderful -- and you mustn't forget that the tomato juice is chock-full of Vitamin C. I must go to the market.

And right on the nose with "flop-sweat", Lola. Are these assholes starting to realize Toto's pulled the curtain back on them? No kindly old wizards here, tho...

Deke, the Ester olive is the one swimming in PoP's martini.

Also a shout out to az, E, betmo, and Spadoman; hugs, y'all. BTW, I couldn't get the vid to run, but based on comments I think I get the drift...

1:31 AM  
Blogger Pursey Tuttweiler said...

How's that cold coming along?

That Bloody Mary is yummy yummy yummy and would do just the trick at unclogging your head.

Here's to you getting unstuffed!

12:55 PM  
Blogger meldonna said...

Pursey, thanks. And that's the first time I've had someone tell me to "get UNstuffed". I love it.

2:17 AM  

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