The American Renaissance

Baja Canada del Sur: Comedy and Comment in the Age of Occupation

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Location: Little Rock, Arkansas

found done in needlepoint on Mel's Front Porch: I Pledge Alligence to the Constitution of the United States of America. And to the Republic for which it guarantees, One Nation, Undeniable, with Liberty, Truth, and Justice for All.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Naughty or Nice?


Just when public policy was starting to really put a damper on the holidays, we have the Donald and the O'Donnell to distract. And even better, a Big Tent Event over at the Gay Agenda!

Yes, it's the first annual No Talent Pageant Hosted by your own Meldonna. I've not only made it to the D-List, as your emcee for this ground-breaking event I'm ulgier than Rosie and prettier than Lea DeLaria. Apparently other than keeping the designated Cocktail Lesbians focused enough to actually function as judges, I'm also responsible for providing filler patter and fun facts.

Pageants and livestock shows have a long history in our fair land, and one of the traditions I've always loved is the Miss America Parade down the Boardwalk in Atlantic City. The time honored scream of "Show us your shoes" actually has its origin in the gay community, a fact I just learned today.

Lest I tarry too much, join me over at the Big Tent. And if you run into him, ask the Donald how he let the Miss America franchise end up in Vegas on CMT. I thought he owned that part of Jersey.

Miss USA indeed.


Blogger deuddersun said...

Sure you wanna see MY shoes? they're big clodhoppers, Red Wings, to be exact, and there ain't nuthin sexy about them, lol!


4:44 AM  
Blogger Pursey Tuttweiler said...

I had no idea that gays and lesbians started the "Show us your shoes," bit. I am currently wearing pink fuzzy house slippers with a bow and a faux diamond on top.

I just looked up Dea DeLaria. I must catch her show. Wikipedia says she offends everyone. I like that. I like her line "Make no apologies and take no prisoners."

I am confused as to how you could be uglier than Rosie and prettier than Dea.

You are doing a great job hosting the pageant. I just submitted my entry as a contestant.

7:48 AM  
Blogger Pursey Tuttweiler said...

Oh my Lord,
The link to the history of the Miss America pageant was fabulous. I just got off the phone with aging porn star Lad Maury, (I had to call Lad and tell him about the history of Miss USA) and he told me the history of the glamorization of women and smoking. It was an annual parade in New York city that the founder of modern advertising cooked up. Lad Maury couldn't remember the ad man's name but he said that the ad guy wanted to take the image of smoking away from the hookers and make it the sophisticated women and each year the rich women would put on their finery and march down the streets in NYC smoking ciggies.

8:09 AM  
Blogger meldonna said...

Deud! You should haul yourself and those clodhoppers over and enter yourself in the No Talent Pagaent. It's open to everybody, and I bet with the addition of a pair of military issue "birth control" eyeglasses you might be a contender for Mr. Congenality!


Pursey, I was tickled to death myself when I came across that little bit of Atlantic City gay folklore. Sounds like your own footwear would be right at home on one of those floats.

Uglier than Rosie/prettier than DeLaria? That one's simple: it's a dyke thing...and a very fine line!

9:00 AM  
Anonymous karena said...

I will go over to the GA and enter the No Talent Pageant. I have to think of an entry first, but I will show up. I will see what the other contestants are up to and play to win.

Meanwhile, I am getting the word out from George W. Bush to all the Fantastic Christianlamistic War fans about Operation Surge and Splurge.

9:37 AM  
Anonymous D.K. Raed said...

OK, I've stuffed my feet into those 70's gold 5" platform shoes I saved from my wedding. I didn't know feet could gain weight! Now I'll hobble over to GA, hanging onto the banisters for support. ~~ D.K.

2:16 PM  
Blogger deuddersun said...

Ok, how do I enter? Guess I'll post a link to this along with a picture displaying my no talent over at my place, sigh, I can hear it now, "Big Bad Marine Is Really A Fag!"

Well, I did say I was thick-skined.


2:28 PM  
Blogger meldonna said...

Deud, you'll want to read the last couple of posts (and comments) at to get an idea of what we've got going on. Don't worry about not being a gay Marine ~ we already have one not gay Marine anyway!

In any event, you'll enjoy the Cocktail Lesbians. Trust me.

4:09 PM  
Blogger Lola Heatherton said...

Oh, my god. I have to show my shoes now? But I am purchasing new Manolo Blahniks, just to dance in.

By the way, they are singing Christmas Carols at

4:39 PM  
Blogger meldonna said...

Lola! I am SO looking forward to seeing the new footwear!

Oh! Did you know you have a page on Wikipedia?

I just got back from DivaJood's. Make the lambs stop screaming.

5:59 PM  
Blogger deuddersun said...

LOL, thnks meldonna, will do. Actually, in my mind, a Marine is a Marine regardless of sex or sexual preference. While I hate to throw a damper on the joyous proceedings, check out

She was a real Marine.


6:07 AM  
Blogger deuddersun said...

Sorry, link didn't publish completely. It's a tribute to Maj. Meghan McClung, the first female Marine officer killed in Iraq. It's kinda far down on the page now, but the Lady deserves her props.


6:10 AM  
Anonymous karena said...

I have this story to report about that poor Marine Lady. I was watching Fox News and blogging and there was that idiot Oliver North reporting live from Iraq. All of a sudden there was an explosion and he ducked and acted like an idiot. Well, it turns out that the explosion was when Meghan McClung got hit by an IED and she was escorting Oliver North and a reporter from Newsweek when she died. She died providing cover for Oliver North so he could stand on Fox TV and yammer about how great the war is. It broke my heart.

6:59 AM  
Blogger deuddersun said...

Dam, karena, didn't know that. I knew she had been escorting "reporters", didn't know it was Ollie.

If ever there was a disgrace to the uniform, he is it.


7:49 AM  
Blogger meldonna said...

Thanks deud for sharing this ~~ I commented over at your blog. Fun and games are fine, but I for one always have time to pull my hat off for someone who deserves it. Major Meghan damn sure does.

5:05 PM  
Blogger spadoman said...

Mel, I been lax and derelict, (dare I lick??) you know, I ain't been here much.

I'm in. Where do I register? I don't got no talent. I'm a "shoe in", (pun infuckingtended)

Hope you're doin' good. Sounds like it. Missed your call. E-mail me your number, I'll call you, my dime this time.

You'll love my shoes, big uns, size 13 EEEEE. The equivelent of a pair of 44 double d's Don't tell that gay Marine jarhead Deuddersun, he's already threatening to come over and eat cannoli.

Peace my friend. Merry Merry!

2:56 AM  
Blogger deuddersun said...

I gotcher cannoli! LOL! What size? Holy shit, I could live in one of those!


6:47 AM  
Blogger Pursey Tuttweiler said...

Happy Night That I Celebrate,
I hope you have a great holiday, Mel, you are one swell D-Lezbin.
Remind us all, what is the exact day of the big move?

Oh, I sure would like some of that cannoli, and I will wrestle that gay marine jarhead over it if I have too.

Oooops, my Peace was backsliding.

10:25 AM  
Blogger spadoman said...

Hey, I didn't say he could eat MY cannoli.

(although I've been told it's delish)

Merry Happy Peace

Love Ya Mel!

4:44 AM  
Blogger spadoman said...

All right Meldonna, I am legally entered. I posted this morning upon clarification from Pus.., I mean Pursey Tuttweiler.

Great to talk to you. Keep going Gal, I'll see you at the ball room, then in Arkansas.

8:23 AM  
Blogger enigma4ever said...

Lord have we have to have Shoes??? Okay well, the Queen will reveal her shoes...Yup size 11 AAA, Fine Hooker shoes, 6 inch clear plastic Platform wedges with goldfish swimming in then heals, The Poor Monarch had to out bid both Paris and Whitney to get these fineshoes...Don't ask me to tapdance- that will make the goldfish seasick...

( we are talking about the Shoes for the Pageant RIGHT?)

11:24 AM  
Blogger Pursey Tuttweiler said...


Pus---er--Pursey is here to thank you for reading the clarification and coming up with your delightful impersonation of a man with a really big dick that pirates like to lick. How creative. I did not know pirates did such things. The only thing I know about pirates is what they show on that ride in Disney World, and they left that part out.

2:11 PM  
Blogger meldonna said...

Pursey, dahling. I think the spads was talking about the actual pastry!

Oh, and I'm leaving Seattle on the 4th of January. So much to do before then! Thanks for keeping me laughing, everyone. It's good for managing the stress!

5:41 PM  
Blogger Pursey Tuttweiler said...


There is a pastry called a Pirate? I am familiar with the Bear Claw, but not the Pirate Pastry. Or is the pastry called the Licking the Salami? Hmmmm, there is much to learn.

Oh my goodness, if I were in Baja, Canada I would come there and help you pack your stuff. I get into a little problem helping people pack their stuff, I start scrubbing their grout with a toothbrush. Leaving a home with dirty grout causes me much distress, so you will find me fairly useless with packing, but the grout will sparkle. A grout gun is the best weapon on the market.

Best of luck in all your endeavors!

More big hugs!

6:16 PM  
Anonymous D.K. Raed said...

pursey, the pastry is Cannoli. The cannoli seems to be passing back'n'forth between Spadoman & Deuddersun, but only in a totally manly way. Right now I think it's in one of their shoes.

oooh, you had to mention that Disney World Pirate ride! That was a favorite, especially the "We wants the redhead" part.

I don't know about cleaning grout. I'm sure mine needs it badly. That's why I never wear my glasses in the bathroom. However, I'm sure Mel, being down to the wire with packing, could use all the help she can get. I've found screaming "I HATE MOVING" does seem to relieve tension. Neighbors especially seem to appreciate it. Sometimes they even lend a hand. Keep your spirits up, Mel, it'll all be over soon & you'll be in the southern comfort zone. ~~ D.K.

12:12 AM  
Blogger spadoman said...

Deke... You're right. The cannoli is a pastry and me and deudder is passing it around a bit. But mu cannoli is sweeter, at least that's what I'm told.

Now, this salami thing, oh well, another time, another place. Maybe check the pageant later today for a salami update.

Mel, I'm with you. Moving sucks, but you'll be OK. Closer to me and closer for a visit then, (is your Momma OK with Italian boys?)

4:31 AM  
Blogger meldonna said...

Mama's fine with Italian boys, she's just wondering where she's going to put me! You will have to meet Stella, my other Mom. A wonderful lady, when I was a teenager, Stella had the imprompto Community House for all us strays and misfits. And one hell of a storyteller, a trait that seems common amongh Southerners.

Deke, I do wish I had you on cleaning! I am happily fairly groutless, but the cleaning is going to have to wait to the last minute, and depending on how many minutes I have next week, a mop, some clean windowsills and a freshly scrubbed toilet may have to do. MADNESS!

Lordy! Speaking of madness, I have to get back over to the Gay Agenda and catch up ~~ it's been busy as hell! I'm going to have to make notes before I comment this time around.

6:13 AM  

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